"Go all the way"

On a voyage long ago, I sat next to a bar fly in one of Hemmingway's haunts. He was wasted, and I got pretty cooked by the time we parted. From this seemingly unimpressive urchin, I learned an important life lesson, and it partly answers a question I'm often asked: how and why do you stay in touch with so many people?

Teary-eyed, with weathered hands and a Marlboro smoldering down to its butt resting precariously on the bartop's edge, my beer buddy showed me the way. Pointing his index fingers at one another, he folded them in half and touched their middle knuckles. Try this! Then, with a sly grin, he explained that most people feel good about meeting others half-way. But that's not enough.

Now, folding one finger all the way under, and touching the tip of his fully extended other finger to the folded knuckle (do it!), to build and maintain valuable relationships, he yelled at the top of his undoubtedly black lungs: "Go all the way." Yes, he may have included the F word. 

This simple revelation was a game-changer. If you read down in these blogs, I talk about choosing your inner circle carefully. Well, once you've filtered them out from the other 8 billion people in the world, what will you do with them? Wait for them to call or share their feelings? 

No! You go all the way. We all know that, the deeper in your circle--your partner, kids, family and closest friends--the more important it is to make an effort. But those deep relationships benefit, too, by extending your efforts to others. Holding diverse relationships adds color, vibrancy, empathy and lots of other things to a person's character. Co-dependence, on the other hand, seems to be the main reason people put all their energy into a smaller group of people. 

So, give it a try. Next time you're bored, maybe driving somewhere, pop a call to that dear friend you never hear from. It doesn't matter who initiates the dialogue. Just how loving and satisfying it is.

The Raspberries' classic cut "Go All The Way" is, of course, an ode to a parallel meaning:

"I never

Never knew how complete love can be

Til she kissed me and said  

Baby please

Go all the way

It feels so right

Being with you here tonight" 

So, yes, to love and trust another in intimacy is also to "Go all the way".  It is a beautiful way, perhaps the most lovely and meaningful, to fully express your feelings. And what's better than that? BTW it was a blast playing that song in my band...great guitar riff!

Come on, get out there, and be love. 

Thank you, whoever you were, for encouraging me to reach out fully to all of the people I love and trust.